The F vs T Co-trainers Story

This story explores the influence of differences in judgement type (T vs F) . Here I compare myself (INTJ) to an INFJ friend. This happened while we were both in university and before I had delved into MBTI more seriously. 

I had asked my friend to help with a volunteer leadership role (as co-leader). She agreed, but we were both very busy in university so we "kind of forgot" about it until the night before the first session. I realized we were unprepared so I stayed up late that evening to create a plan. I was worried we would come off unprepared and lose the respect of the group we were trying to lead.

The next day went well. I introduced us both and did a basic orientation. People seemed to enjoy it, but afterwards my friend started giving me the cold shoulder. It came as a total surprise to me. I had no idea what I had done wrong. I confronted her directly to ask if she was mad at me about something. Turns out my friend was angry that I hadn't included her in the planning process. I tried to explain my rationale (after all, if I hadn't had planned something quickly the night before, we would have had to improvise on the spot and who knows how that would have turned out). Going forward we set up a meeting to plan together before each season. It turned out our "styles" were very different (mine was task oriented, hers was feelings oriented - with lots of group check ins). I think we both felt like we were compromising on our vision of these sessions. It was a learning experience to say the least, but ultimately I think our different approaches and reactions to the situation were a result of the T/F difference. I still feel if the situation had been reversed I would have felt relief that the other person had stepped up and we didn't show up totally unprepared. My feelings would not have been top of mind, and obviously when I made the decision to go ahead with my plan I had assumed (wrongfully) she would have the same reaction. Perhaps at the end of the day, it benefited the group to have exposure to two different styles of coaching. 

Admittedly, my task oriented style of training could have used a bit of tweaking to accommodate the feelings of participants (especially once I moved on from university students to special populations and the general public and earned the nickname "the task master"). My  INFJ friend eventually became a therapist, and I believe she chose the absolute perfect profession for her personality (she seems to be thriving!). I ended up going back to school and becoming a software engineer (a bit of a pivot from our kinesiology roots).